Another Careless Confrontation…

Jim is upset with his boss, Julie. Julie has ignored his requests to move resources from the Americas to Asia. Jim feels betrayed and questions Julie about her seriousness of doing what is right for the company. Julie feels threatened by Jim's negative analysis of the situation. Jim and Julie go out of their way not to meet again for another month. The scenario above is just another case of "Careless Confrontation."

The role of a leader, teacher, or parent is to promote the growth and excellence of team members, students and children. Your success in life and in business is based on how solid and productive your relationships are with other people. As a leader at home and in the community, you promote mutual development and growth through mutual empathy and mutual empowerment.

It is unfortunate that so many people intentionally shy away from conflict and confrontation, and miss the opportunity for mutual growth. The fact is that confrontation is a great opportunity to enhance development, growth, and connection. It all depends upon your beliefs and approach towards confrontation.

Confrontation enhances or stymies growth due to your approach in the following two areas:

(1) Your belief about yourself and the other person in the relationship (2) Your active approach to confrontation

Let's begin with Jim's belief system when he carelessly confronted. With "Careless Confrontation," the beliefs around Jim's encounter were the following:

-Since my needs aren't being met, Julie won't be able to meet her needs either. -Julie or I must win this confrontation. -Confrontation will lead to a diminution of our relationship. -Julie knows what I feel, and is not doing anything about it. -It is obvious from her actions that Julie doesn't want to grow this relationship.

Jim imagines that confrontation is about separation. Jim has created the myth that differences of opinion and conflict are the result of Julie's intention not to foster their relationship. Jim's construction of this "myth" is careless, as it negates the truth about what Jim feels, and assumes that his difference with Julie must result in only one of them getting their needs met.

Jim's approach was to not tap into what he was really feeling, disappointment from being ignored by Julie. Jim's approach also demonstrated a lack of trust that Julie wanted connection and the opportunity to be approached, heard and understood. By assuming that Jim or Julie must "win," Jim eliminated the possibility to develop a mutual growth relationship.

Mitchell Simon is the Founder of the Simon Leadership Alliance, a company dedicated to building the leadership and relationship skills of Executives and Business Owners throughout the world. Mitchell works with senior management teams to enhance their growth through effective, results-oriented practices.