I am excited to be at the party of two colleagues celebrating a major milestone together.  These colleagues have not spoken to each other for several years. 

It was through my coaching that these two people banded together to make their office the most collaborative in the state.

Two weeks ago the CEO called Bill and Mary into his office.  He declared to Bill and Mary, “If you TWO can’t find a way to communicate, you are both FIRED!”

“Wait a minute,” Bill thought.  “I am a great communicator.  I am a team player.  I get along with everyone.  Mary is untrustworthy.  Mary is unethical.  Mary is impossible to deal with.  Mary is completely at fault.” 

And furthermore, Bill concluded, “my CEO is unreasonable.  He is out to get me.  He doesn’t appreciate the hard work I do.  He is playing favorites.  I am right.  He is wrong.”

Have you been in this scenario before?

You know you are right, because you base your conclusions on facts.  But did Bill base his conclusions on facts?  Nothing Bill mentioned was a fact.  Everything he mentioned was an “assessment” he created out of the conversation with his CEO.

Bill called me to tell me he was right.  I told him, he was lazy!

Achieving extraordinary results is not a game of being right.    Achieving extraordinary results are derived from distinguishing your assessments from the facts. 

What is an assessment?  It is the standard by which you make judgments of events happening in your life.  It is through your assessments that you determine what is “true” in your life. 

Your manner of creating assessments controls whom you speak to, what you say and don’t say, and ultimately the results you achieve.  Assessments control everything that is possible for you and your organization.  Until Bill realized that he was interpreting his assessments as truth, he was locked into working with Mary in an ineffective way.   When your assessments, not facts, run your life, you are lazy.

Unfortunately, no one ever told us to distinguish our assessments from who we are as the assessors.  Until we realize that we are the ones who determine how we assess our current situation, we let our assessments assassinate any new possibilities.

When the CEO says, “Talk or take a hike,” you have a choice.   You can determine that the CEO wants you fired, or you can notice how your mind immediately makes an assessment.  Interpret your CEO’s “options” as an opportunity, and you might develop your communication skills.  Interpret the “options” as a threat, and you might strengthen your skills in holding grudges and complaining.

In working with Bill I saw Bill’s grudges, complaining, and judgments as an opportunity for him to see how his assessments led him to inappropriate conclusions.  By getting Bill to focus on the facts that created the conflict, I was able to have Bill distinguish who he was as the assessor. 

In order to get Bill and Mary to work effectively, they had to jointly commit to work with the facts, and not communicate from a place inside their assessments.  I insisted they move through a four-step accountability process.

1)        Clean Up – I had Bill “clean up” any misunderstanding with Mary.  I had Bill have a conversation with Mary where he took full responsibility for his actions, his words, and his attitude that had prevented communication.

2)        Clarification – I had Bill ask Mary to clarify any conduct that disturbed Mary, and request from Mary to point out any behaviors that might enhance communication.

3)        Commitment – I had Bill commit to Mary, and asked Mary to commit to Bill, that they would communicate on a weekly basis and review whether the conduct they requested from each other was actually happening.

4)        Accountability – Bill and Mary shared their commitment with everyone in their office, and asked their colleagues to hold them accountable for behavior which was in alignment with the new behavior, or which was out of alignment.

Why was this celebration so magnificent?  The party was a dedication to greater possibilities.  We were celebrating how two people had moved from being ruled by their assessments, to basing their relationship on a commitment to joint success. 

We were celebrating the new mood in the office, a mood of productivity, performance and accountability.  All it took was an unreasonable CEO who saw new possibilities for two individuals.  All it took was for Mary and Bill to see the CEO’s threat as a new option.  All it took was for Mary and Bill to find a new way of looking at the facts, looking at their assessments, and understanding that there are galaxies of interpretation that exist between the two.